I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
