Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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