im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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