I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
we're so committed to being not committed
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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