im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
thus making me awesome and them whores
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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