I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
