Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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