I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
