Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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