Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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