i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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