just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
