i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
