We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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