Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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