Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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