this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We have started to decorate penises.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
