Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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