Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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