Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Let's paint friendship bongs
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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