I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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