I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
