I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
