if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
