Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
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I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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