Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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