Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
