i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
