I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
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I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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