you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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