just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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