Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
