Porn is love you can see.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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