sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
