I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
