Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
