I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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