Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
What did we do last night that was yellow?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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