WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
