I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
