bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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