I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
