I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
