you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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