She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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