ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
