I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
