I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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