I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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