My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
