What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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