Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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