Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I FOUND THE LEGS
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
