Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
