I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
