It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
