is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
