how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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