I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
