there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
