dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
