you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
