well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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