Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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