remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
