yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
