Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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