How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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