i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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