i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
