Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
