Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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