it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
