you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize