I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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