He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
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Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
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Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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