Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
