so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
