Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
