You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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