Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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