There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
