i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
