god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
