you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
and she was petting her beer can
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
